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MAMA'S LOVE STORY!--PART 1       16/2/95       Maria #273       DO 2992
--More Lessons and Confessions!
--Day Two of the Family Feast!
--By Maria

              1. Praise the Lord! Thank You Jesus! Does anybody have anything to say? (Family: We love you!) I love you too! And thank you so much for your prayers. Before we start, could we have special prayer for Peter? He has a headache and his back is bothering him pretty badly now too. (Gary prays for Peter.)
       2. ({\ul \i Mama:)} I'm feeling very well. Thank the Lord! No problems tonight, thank You Jesus! I just need lots of the Lord and lots of faith and lots of prayer, and you're helping to supply a lot of the prayer. Thank You Jesus!
       3. So what's our musician going to play and sing tonight? (David: We have two songs, and everybody has the words so they can sing along.) This one is a little along the lines of "I Surrender All"--it's called, "I Want To Be More Like You, Jesus." Peter and I have changed some of the words to this song because this is the way we prefer to sing it. You might like to sing it this way, too, but it's up to you. When we're not here you can sing it any way you like. (Everyone sings:)

              Take these things that hinder me,
       Take my pride and vanity.
       Help me to understand You,
       Teach me how to love You,
       Won't You help me to be more...

              (Chorus:)
       I want to be more,
       I want to be more like You, Lord.
       I want to be more,
       I need to be more like You.

              Take my self and hypocrisy,
       Let me live in simplicity.
       Help me to burn my bridges,
       Give me Your Words to kiss me.
       Lord, please help me to be more...

              (Chorus)

              Take my heartache and emptiness,
       Deliver me from all worldliness,
       Take the chains that bind me,
       Put Your arms around me,
       And please help me to be more...

              I want to be more,
       I want to be more like You, Lord.
       I want to be more,
       I need to be more like You.

              (Repeat first verse.)

              4. That's our prayer. That's our heartcry, to be more like You, Jesus, to know how to love You more. Get rid of our pride and our worldliness and our vanity and our hypocrisy, all those things that hinder. You do it, Jesus! Fill us with Thy Spirit and Thy love, in Jesus' name. (Everyone sings:)

              (Chorus:)
       Jesus My Lover, My Light and My Guide,
       Help me to follow close by Thy side.
       Be Thou my anchor, my rock and my shield,
       Help me to love Thee, help me to yield.

              Out of the darkness of sin I have fled,
       Radiant sunlight awaits me instead.
       Wonderful Counselor, rest to my soul,
       Jesus, O Jesus, Thy love makes me whole.

              You are the Comfort that my soul doth crave,
       Victorious Conqueror of death and the grave.
       Life everlasting, God's promise to men.
       Personal Lover, Jesus my Friend.

              (Chorus)

              You are the Shepherd, the Water of Life,
       You are the Healer, the Door and the Vine.
       You'll never leave me nor cast me aside,
       Jesus, O Jesus, in You I'll abide.

              Desire of all nations,
       The bright and morning star.
       Alpha, Omega, beloved You are.
       Wonderful Counselor, King of all kings.
       Song of all songs, Your praises I'll sing.

              5. That's what it's all about, Lord.--Loving You and yielding to You and obeying You.--Going Your way. Even as Your Father hath sent You, so have You sent us. That was what Your life was all about--yieldedness to Your Father and obedience to His will--and that's what we're here for, to do Your will and to obey and to yield and to be the instruments that You want us to be. Help us, Lord! Have Thy way this evening. Keep everyone alert and comfortable, and rebuke the Enemy from any attacks. Help us to have good fellowship in hearing from You and hearing Your Words. Thank You Jesus!
       6. Help me to say what You want me to say and be what You want me to be. Thank You that we're all one body and one spirit and one mind with You. We're all married to each other and part of each other. We thank You for such wonderful love. And we thank You most of all for You, our wonderful Love that made it all possible, so that we could love You and love others and win the world for You through Your love. Thank You Jesus! Praise You Lord!
       7. It's wonderful, isn't it? Aren't you still floating from last night? (Family: Yes!) Thank you for having the faith to give the things the Lord gave you at the end of our meeting last night--they're just so beautiful! Wow! How could we want more?--But we still do, ha!--And the Lord keeps giving it and giving it. "He giveth and giveth and giveth again!" Thank You Jesus!
       8. We read all those "new day" prophecies last night about all the things that the Lord is going to change and make new, and I think there was a little mention in there about how He's making me new too, wasn't there? (Peter: Yes, I think so.) We didn't dwell too much on that one last night because I wanted to tell you more about it tonight, on day two. So Lord help me to know how to present this.
       9. I want to expound more on what the Lord is doing with me in making me new. We could expound on a lot of those other new things too, and maybe we will later on; but one reason I'd like to tell you about some of the things the Lord is doing in my life is because I'm in many ways a representative of the Family and Family members. I go through many of the same experiences and have the same trials and problems and am just like everybody else, so what the Lord does with me He usually is doing with everyone to some extent or another, and therefore my trials, battles and victories can be a blessing to others, and have been, I hope. (Family: Yes. They have been!)

       Prophecy About Mama Sharing Her Lessons!
       10. The Lord also told me that I should share my lessons with the Family, that they would benefit from them and they would help answer some of their questions. Here's what He said when Peter and I prayed together and the Lord gave him the following prophecy:
       11. ({\ul \i Peter reading:)} "Behold the wellsprings of love that spring forth from the heart of this one, My queen. These wellsprings of love and of humility and of compassion and of understanding shall flow forth upon all My children through this, the heart of My queen, which she has opened up and exposed unto her children.
       12. "For behold, these seek for answers and they wonder why, and thou hast given them this answer from Me because thou hast been willing to listen and to lay down thy life and to humble thyself in My sight and in the sight of My Kingdom and My children. And they shall grow and they shall understand, and this shall bring forth a great victory in their lives.
       13. "For they wish to seek Me and they want and desire to love Me, but they look unto thee, the shepherdess, to see the way in which thou goest. They look to thee for the ensample. They look to thee for the feeding and for the kind of grain that they need at this time. And lo, I give thee this grain, and thou must just pour forth that which I deliver unto thee to feed My sheep. For it is I that feed them and it is I that put these thoughts into thy heart, and it is I that expose these weaknesses, that others may be fed and strengthened. For they shall grow strong on this grain and they shall have understanding from these words. And they shall love Me in a new way, for they shall better understand through thy love and through thy example and through thy words.
       14. "Therefore hold not back, be not afraid to expose these inner parts of thy heart to thy children. For they seek for these things and they need them. They need these words and they need thy love. I will pour forth through thee as thou dost humble thyself and give, even unto thine own hurt, even unto thine own humility, even unto those things that thou despisest about thyself. Yet these shall be food and strength to thy children, and they shall benefit and they shall grow, and they shall be strengthened and they shall be matured and they shall understand. Therefore fear not, for I have allowed these things and I will bring forth victory from this seeming defeat. For the lessons shall be learned and the children shall grow and they shall be strengthened."

       The Lord Told Me to Talk More About Myself!
       15. Another reason for telling you about what the Lord is doing in my life is that the Lord has definitely told me that I should share more with the Family about myself, so they can get to know me better. As most of you know, I've always resisted that and not liked that at all. I've always preferred to be behind the scenes and hiding behind someone, as I did with Dad. It's comfortable for me that way and I've always preferred not to say much, for several reasons. For one, I never thought it was that important until the Lord had to tell me in direct prophecy that that's what I should be doing. Another reason is that because of my pride and shyness, I have a hard time expressing my feelings.
       16. But the Lord said I need to say more, I need to talk more about myself--what I like, what I dislike, what my feelings are, what I'm going through--because people need to be able to know me in a deeper way than they have. I've preached some pretty good sermons, thanks to the Lord, but they need to know me in a more personal way like they knew Dad. He shared everything with us--his faults, his failings, his joys, his trials, his sicknesses, even about his BMs!--Ha! It helped us to really know him in a very personal way and love him deeply, and the Lord said that I need to do the same. So Lord helping me, I'm going to be trying to do that more, and I have recently, to some extent.
       17. The Lord said it takes humility, and it's good for me to have to do anything that takes humility, so Lord help me! Anyway, I was really praying about what to share with you in the meeting tonight. Although I had a pretty good idea that I was supposed to talk about the new things the Lord is doing in my life, I wasn't quite sure how to go about it.
       18. So I was praying about it and I said, "Lord, what should I say, how do I present this?"--and Dad said through Peter, "Tell them, `Tonight I'm going to tell you a love story--a story of the Lord's love, my love and of Peter's love--and how we are helping you to learn to love.'" I said, "Oh, Lord, do I have to?"--My old argumentative nature coming out. That's another of my confessions, that almost everything the Lord has gotten me to do in the past, I've more or less had to be forced into it. But anyway, I relented and said, "Okay, Lord. I know You did tell me to talk about myself, and I know I'm supposed to do that. So give me the words and I'll try to do it."
       19. But I still wanted more of a confirmation on it, if this was really what I was supposed to do. You can see how I try to weasel out of things, ha! I thought maybe the Lord would give me some "out" or some kind of alternative. So I said to Peter, "Could we please pray about this?" And I guess the Lord gave me the right thing the first time, because He then confirmed it. The Lord is always so sweet when we ask Him about something. He's so patient. He'll tell us once, and He'll tell us twice, and He'll tell us another time. His patience doesn't seem to run out. Even when we're unfaithful, yet He remains faithful.
       20. So I want to tell you what the Lord said when I asked Him for a confirmation on what I was supposed to tell you tonight. Would you like to hear that? It was so beautifully expressed. You'll have to bear with me as I give you this, because listening to it and repeating it like this is a little difficult. (Mama listens with an earphone to the prophecy on her dictaphone, then repeats the prophecy phrase by phrase to the Family.)

       Don't Be Afraid to Share Your Heart!--Confirmation from Dad!
       21. All right, now this is Dad talking to me in prophecy. I didn't expect that, but since Dad told me what to say in the first place, he decided he'd confirm it too! Thank You Lord!
       22. ({\ul \i Dad speaking:) }"Sweetheart, you know it wasn't always easy for me to say everything about myself. Goodness, I told them everything! I really bared myself to my children. I told them all my weaknesses and my faults and my failings. I told them the physical problems and the fights and the battles. Goodness, you even told them things about me that I wouldn't have told them, but you insisted and we published them and they bore wonderful fruit." (Mama: Dad is talking here about some things about him that I encouraged him to publish even though he felt they were a little too personal.)
       23. "So don't be afraid to expose yourself, don't be afraid to share your heart with them, and don't be afraid to share the things that I put into your heart to share with them. It will only draw them closer to you and make them love you more. For they will see your honesty and your yieldedness and your love for them, that you would share these private, intimate things with them.
       24. "Isn't that what makes two people love each other even more, when they share the things that are on their hearts and the things that are intimate and the things that humble them? Yet they have the faith to speak them out. But doesn't it bring them closer together? So it is with you and your children, our children, for they're mine too. We're in it together.
       25. "If I was willing to do that, then how much more should you be? If I was willing to tell them all my faults and my failings and my sins, my weaknesses, my afflictions, my hurts and my heartaches, then how much more should you be willing to do the same? For I set an example in this, that you should follow.
       26. "Don't worry about how they will or will not receive it. That's not your problem, that's not your concern. Your job is just to give the message. Their job is to receive it. The truth is the truth! Your job is just to give the truth. They have to open their hearts and receive it. Don't worry too much about what they will think or what they will say or how they will take it, how they will receive it, for I will simply bless you for giving it.
       27. "You're the shepherdess, you feed the sheep, but they have to eat the food. Those that eat it and receive it are nourished by it; and those who say, `Oh, this grain is not nourishing' or `this grain is not what we want to eat,' are weakened. But you must just pour out the grain that is in your bag. So share, share freely! Share your heart, share the things that I have shown you, share the things you have learned. For lo, you have learned so much. Speak and don't worry. Speak and don't fear.
       28. "And concerning your love and the fact that I worked to put you and Peter together, don't be afraid to share this. Don't be ashamed, don't worry, for it is only a continuation. It is a continuation of our love together, and it is a continuation of Jesus' and our love together. We're all still one. Weren't we one there? Did I not want to let others know even then? Did I not even speak it, that we three were one? Did I not bring Peter in? Did I not let him love you, and you him? Because we were one.
       29. "What's the difference? Haven't you loved him all along? So what's changed? All that's changed is that I am here and that I have helped to put a deeper love in your heart, a greater appreciation and understanding, because it is teaching you many things and because it is good for you, and because I love you and I want you to be loved with the love that you need and that you deserve.
       30. "So don't be afraid to say it. Hey, shout it from the housetops! Let it be known! It is my doing. We engineered it from here. So be not afraid, be not ashamed and be not worried about how it will be received. For again, it is only up to you to say the things that are placed in your heart to say, and to feed them the food that is given unto you. When you have done this, you have dispensed of your duty, and the words that shall pour forth shall not return unto you void; for they shall accomplish the purpose whereunto they were sent.
       31. "And my children shall rejoice that you are well cared for and that you are happy, and that you have love and feel loved, and that you are not lonely nor sad. Don't worry so much about what your faults and failings have done unto the children. All you have to do is just open your mouth and speak what is on your heart and share what you have learned, and it will be as cool water. It will be as a balm that covers any wounds, any sores, any afflictions that were caused.
       32. "Just pour forth! Let me pour forth, for I will help you, and I will help you speak the words. They shall be healing words and they shall be loving words, and this love shall cover a multitude of sins and shall heal the wounds. And our children shall rejoice and shall be rejuvenated and shall be uplifted. For behold, it is a new day, and if it is a new day, are we not going to do new things? And these are new things they will hear from you--these confessions and these words of love, these words of repentance.
       33. "They will hear more about you and what is in your heart. They will hear of your love for me, of your love for Peter, of your deep love for Jesus, and it will bring forth great fruit and they shall rejoice and they shall be happy, and they shall joy in this news. And they will know that I am helping you because of your honesty, and they will see me shining through you, and they will see Jesus shining through you, and they will be comforted and they will be happy and they will feel loved. They will be secure and they will feel safe, for they will know that we are all one. They will know Daddy is still here, and Mama is still here and Jesus is still here, just like I said it would be. And they can rest at ease and know as they go forth that we are all leading in the way that has been set before us.
       34. "Okay, sweet baby, please? Just trust. Just open your mouth and know that we here will help you to speak the things that you need to speak. For it is our doing. We are working on it, we have planned it, we have orchestrated it, and we will help to bring it to pass. And as the words pour forth through thy mouth into the ears of thy children, then we will continue to work. We will work in their hearts and we will use the words to help free them, and we will use the words to help them explode into all the world and to share the love that they will feel, and the security that they will feel, with the hearts of many.
       35. "And the words that you share, and the openness and the honesty and intimacy will help them all to feel one with you; to feel that they are right there with you and that they are part of your family and that you are their mother, that you are their queen, that you are their lover, that you are their friend, and they will be comforted and they will be strengthened. So have faith, do not fear. Fear not the opinions of men, just obey. That's what I had to do, even to my hurt, even at the cost of my own pride, because I had to lay it down and speak the things that Jesus gave me to speak. And it wasn't always easy, but it always bore good fruit; and I had to speak it even if it would not be received.--Even if you would not receive it, I still had to speak it, for that was my duty.
       36. "And as I have passed my mantle on to you, it is now your duty. And as I have passed my mantle on to you in double anointing, it is now doubly your duty. So open your heart and share what is in it with your children, and rejoice that you can do this thing, for it will free you. And as you humble yourself and share your heart, it frees the blockages, and it sets you free in a new and greater way to love your Lord and to love others. For it is humbling, but it is loving. It is proving your love to your children that you share your heart with them. It is proving your love to your Lord as you share in obedience to Him.
       37. "Love begets love, and as you show your children your love, they will love you more greatly. And as you show your Lord your love, He will love you more greatly, and it benefits everyone. It benefits Jesus, it benefits me, it benefits the children, and through the children it benefits the world. For if our children are happy and content, if they are loved and secure, then they can go forth in confidence and in faith.--All because of your humility, all because of your willingness to speak the truth, all because of your love.
       38. "So love, and do not hold back! Take the step of faith and you will be honored. Before honor is humility, and if you take the steps to share your heart, you will be held in great esteem and in great honor in the eyes of your children. So don't be afraid, I'll be right there with you. I will be whispering in your ear. I will be helping you and we can do it together, for we are one." (End of prophecy.)
       39. Praise You Jesus! Thank You Lord! (Everyone praises!) What impresses you most about that message? (Fam: How close Dad is.) Yes, and what else? (Fam: How he said you should just feel free to share whatever comes to your heart and not worry about the results.) Yes, he kept saying "fear not." How many times did he have to say that to me?--Ha! What else? (Fam: That with the double mantle comes double responsibility.) Right, and it takes what? (Fam: Humility.) Yes, something I need a lot of! And isn't it amazing what he says about that?--That as I humble myself and share my heart, what will happen? (Fam: It takes away the blockage.) Yes! It's interesting, isn't it?
       40. You probably have experienced in your own lives that when you step out by faith to do something which is difficult for you and which hurts your pride, once you've done it, it's easier the next time, right? (Fam: Yes.) Maybe you can only say it to one person, but once you've said it to them, then it becomes easier to say it again and say it to someone else and someone else. (Peter: That's right.)
       41. Did anything else impress you about Dad's message? (Fam: How much the spirit world can affect life down here.) Yes, it's all being orchestrated. And that's good for us too, because it's humbling to know that all we do is just say yes, and we're not really doing anything but yielding. We're being moved by the Spirit in the way that Heaven is planning for us, designing and engineering. We just have to yield and say yes to their plans, putting our will on their side.
       42. Anything else? (Fam: Dad had to share a lot about himself, and he said, "I'm not asking you to do anything that I haven't already done.") (Peter: That's so typical of Dad. He'd never ask you to do something that he hadn't done himself.) Yes, exactly. (Fam: And it's so beautiful how he said we are one.)

       The Lord's Unconditional Love!
       43. That's the love story of Dad. Dad loved me so much and showed it in such unconditional love all those years, no matter what I did and how I failed--and I failed plenty, as you've already read in "Lessons of Love" and "Mama's New Year's Talk." (See MLs #2975 and 2986.) But no matter what I did or didn't do, Dad loved me so unconditionally, just like the Lord loves us.
       44. If you are completely going against the Lord and you're backsliding, the Lord still loves you, but there is a difference then, in that He's definitely not pleased, and He'll certainly show you that. But as long as you're at least in there trying, the Lord simply accepts you and showers you with love. And if you're on the wrong track or failing in things, He lovingly, gently and tenderly tries to get you to do the right thing. It's so beautiful.
       45. My whole life has been one of love. I've never known anything but love. My life has been quite amazing. I used to feel bad that I never had any traumatic testimonies. Just like our teens, I'd think, "I don't have any dramatic testimony that I can tell people!" I grew up in a Christian home and I never did anything out of the ordinary. I never took drugs, I hardly even knew what a hippie was. I didn't know anything, I was so sheltered. And I used to sort of balk at that and think, "I wish I could have gone through at least a few things so I'd understand." But now when I look back, I'm just so amazed at what a miracle that has been!
       46. My life has just been a wonderful, wonderful miracle of nothing but the Lord showering me with love from beginning to end. I think I put that in my testimony, how I was sort of living in a protected bubble of love all my life. I even wondered about that and said, "But Lord, why? Why didn't I have to suffer at least a little bit? Why didn't I have to go through things like other people have?" And the Lord told me, "It's because I wanted you to be able to see unobstructed My unconditional love for you, to feel My love in a very great way so that you would be able to know what it's like and you'd be able to share it with others." Thank You Jesus!

       How the Lord Started to Slow Me Down!
       47. In my Letters, "Lessons of Love" and "Mama's New Year's Talk," I told you how I have not only made mistakes like you guys have, but I've made a lot bigger ones, real big ones, and those are some of the things I'm not particularly happy about and that I'm quite ashamed about, and that I need to confess to you and tell you about. I did that to some extent in those Letters, but I think the Lord and Dad want me to explain a little more about some of the things that I was wrong in and where I was going down the wrong track, so you can see the difference.
       48. Pride was definitely one of my problems! Dad said that I need to be humble to share these things, which I haven't been. I was always very proud and I hid behind Dad. I let him do the humble part and be the humble one, because he did it so well, ha!--But I always held back. I used the excuse, "Well, that's Dad and he's doing it. He can be humble and he can share. Since he's sharing, I don't have to." So I was just very proud, and my pride kept me from loving people in the way that I should have. It kept me from loving fully and interacting deeply with people.
       49. It was not only my pride that kept me from loving others, but also my busyness and feeling so strongly that I needed to do my work, that nothing else mattered. My attitude was, "Everybody else get out of the way, please, while I do my work--nothing else is important." Obviously I was really off the track in that. You know Dad wasn't like that. Dad would always stop. Dad was always there for us or for whoever needed him, and would spend whatever time was necessary to interact with the individual, like the Lord does with us.
       50. So like I told you in "Lessons of Love," after Dad went to be with the Lord, I was all set to continue on my "business as usual" course--and it was going so well, I thought! I was so glad that Peter and Gary were away at the Summit Meeting for two months and they weren't bothering me. I didn't have anybody to bother me--except Gabe! Gabe started bothering me a little bit.--Ha! He was the only one I hadn't been able to get rid of, and he'd always come by my room. I guess he thought I was lonely, but I thought I was just doing great. I didn't feel lonely, I had Dad and the Lord!
       51. So Gabe would keep coming around every day bothering me.--Ha! Even though I was busy and I was dictating, he'd keep coming in. And not only would he want to talk, but of all things he'd want to kiss me! (Gabe: Oh my!) (Everyone bursts out laughing!) (Gary: That's Gabe, he's notorious for that sort of thing!--Ha!) (Gabe: I don't know what got into me!) Oh, you mean that wasn't your habit? (Everyone laughs harder!) Was that something new and different, Gabe? (Gabe: No, I'm just kidding.)
       52. I told Gabe about this already, so it's not any big secret; he knows he was bothering me. (Gabe: I did feel bad when I heard I was bothering Mama, but I didn't realize I was bothering her at the time.) I was very nice and I was civil, like I always have been. I was sweet and I was warm and I kissed him when he came and kissed me, and when he lay down in bed with me. You girls all know what it's like because he lays down on the bed with you too; that's nothing new either.
       53. So I thought, "Lord, You know I love Gabe, and he's really sweet, but I've got this work to do and I don't want to be bothered!" (Gabe: There were wires wrapped around her neck and tape recorders everywhere!) He couldn't get very close because there were tape recorders all over me! The tapes were here and the tapes were there, and there was a notebook here and there were two tape recorders here. He had to be very careful how he laid down, ha! But he still did it anyway, I couldn't even protect myself!--Ha! (Everyone laughing!)
       54. But all along I thought, "Oh Lord, I know he deserves this and I've not been very nice to Gabe, I haven't been affectionate and I know it's wrong." So I was having that battle all along. I was busy and I was a little annoyed, but it wasn't a big annoyance. But at the same time there was the voice of the Lord saying, "Well, you know what you should do. You know what's right." So I was battling that. Every day Gabe would come in and I'd kiss him and I'd be a little nice and I thought I was doing my duty.
       55. I don't know what made me change, but one day I simply decided, "Lord, okay, I'm going to yield. Gabe deserves this and he's not the one with the problem, I'm the one that is the problem case." So I decided to yield, I mean really go for it, not just be resigned to my fate. (Everyone laughs.) That sounds terrible, doesn't it? (Gabe: So don't give up, folks!) (Everyone laughs harder.) Listen, I know I'm exaggerating this a little bit, but this was the scenario in the spirit. A lot of times when in the flesh things seem small, in the spirit to the Lord it's a bigger deal. So I suppose the way I'm exaggerating is the way the Lord was looking at it, but in the physical it wasn't that big a deal.
       56. So finally with the Lord's urging I thought, "Okay, Lord, I'm going to yield, because this is not right. I'm not in line and I'm not doing what You want." So I decided to love Gabe wholeheartedly and just do it and not hold back and not be annoyed.--And once I did it, it was wonderful! It was liberating! And the Lord then put a real special love in my heart for Gabe.
       57. That surrender, that moment of yielding to the Lord does wonderful things in any area, in whatever the Lord asks us to do. When we battle and fight, then everything looks difficult and everything is a problem and a burden. But once you yield in something, you usually think, "Well, why did I ever have any problem with that in the first place?" Don't you feel that way?
       58. Like our secretary, she didn't want to have her office downstairs and she had this horrible battle over it. It was a terrible battle, wasn't it, honey? (Secretary: Yes, it was.) Then all of a sudden, a couple of days later, she said, "Oh, I really like it down here!" Once she yielded to it, the Lord was able to work in her heart and show her all the advantages to being down there, and the blessing she was being and the blessing she had by being there. I don't want to put words in your mouth, but I think that's what you decided, didn't you? (Secretary: Yes.) In so many areas, when we finally yield, then we say, "Wow, the Lord knew best after all!"--And not only knew best, but He knew what would make us happy.

       The Importance of Little Things!
       59. It's amazing how what we look on as very small things can sometimes be very big and very major to the Lord. So don't look on a small thing--or what looks to you like a small thing--as something that doesn't matter, because it may be something really major, big, and something that makes a difference and that the Lord's counting on or is going to hinge something on in your life.
       60. If you don't yield to the little things the Lord wants you to do--because of your pride or whatever your problem might be--you can get away with a few things, but if you continue to resist, pretty soon the Lord gives up and you stagnate or you go back; you're unable to progress. The Lord is not going to zap you or make you fail the grade just because of one or two times when you say "no," but if you keep that up too much, the Lord is going to stop. He says His Spirit doesn't always strive with men (Gen.6:3), and with some of us who really know better, He won't strive very long. If we refuse to obey, then He just stops working and trying to get us to do it. He's not going to force us.
       61. Every time something comes along that is difficult for us to do--that we know the Lord wants us to do, and we want to do too, but because of our pride we don't want to--we need to be pretty militant in making sure we do whatever it is and not get too lazy and just let it slide and say, "Oh well, that's not important." It may not be important, but if we get in the habit of saying "no" to the Lord, the next thing may be more important, but it'll be easier for us to say "no" because we said "no" to the thing before it.

       Breaking the Work Addiction!
       62. Anyway, the Lord gave me a real special love for Gabe then, a sweet love that I'd never had before. I've always loved you, Gabe, you know that. But I was just looking at Gabe like, "You're Home shepherd of our staff and I love you, but keep your distance." But when I started yielding to the Lord and interacting in affection, which has always been one of my big problems, the Lord started making a change in my life. And I considered that a real miracle! I felt a real miracle happen in my heart. I don't have many things that I count as miracles, that I can see as miracles, but I felt that was a real miracle.
       63. Then my next test came with Matthew. As you read in my Letter, that was my next interaction with someone. I was still fighting it and it was a real addiction to be so involved and immersed in ... well, I call it business, but it was the Lord's Words, which is a lot more than just business. (Gary: You were sort of "married to your work.") Yes. Whatever the work was, I was married to it, and it didn't allow time or place for anything else. So it was an addiction, and even Gabe couldn't completely break me of it. So then Matthew came along, and the Lord tried to do it then. As you all read, I really fought that too, but the Lord finally got through to me on that. Thank You Jesus. Did you all read "Lessons of Love"? (See ML #2975, GN 622.) (Family: Yes.) Then you already know how bad I am! You've known all along anyway.
       64. But thank the Lord He gave me the victory there and stopped my work and stopped me pretty much in my tracks! He was showing me that the work wasn't as important as the worker, and that I could just let it go and not worry about it for a while. But it was still a struggle.
       65. What happened next was that Gary arrived home from the Summit Meeting and I wanted to spend some time with him, so I had to still lay aside all my work. And a little while after that, Peter came home. (Peter: Da-da-da-dum! Enter the villain!) (Everyone laughs.) I knew that with Gary and Peter coming back from the Summit Meeting I needed to get caught up on things and that we would have a lot to discuss, so I was planning on that, but I was still struggling with, "What's going to happen with my work? I'm already slowed down to a snail's crawl and I haven't gotten anything done in the last few weeks!" I took a couple of days with Gary, and then Peter took more than a couple of days, he took quite a while because he was having a little problem.
       66. Now when we talk about Peter's jealousy battles, it sounds pretty bad, but I want you to know that Peter had a "legitimate" reason for having jealousy battles. Not that being jealous is legitimate, but in a certain sense you have to understand that I had caused it and it was my problem too.
       67. For 14 years Peter and I had been great friends and great co-workers and part-time lovers, but he loved me much more deeply than I loved him. Again, I was very immersed in work, it was all business. We worked great together and we spent a lot of time together, but we didn't spend much personal time together. It was like pulling teeth for him to get me to spend personal time with him. Well, it wasn't always so bad, but considering it was over a period of 14 years, I would say that it was pretty bad over the course of the whole time.
       68. So poor Peter, that's why he had so many jealousy battles. He had to ask me for a kiss when he wanted one.--Not because I didn't want to kiss him, but because I was too busy! If he wanted to have love-up time, he usually had to either ask me or pray and ask the Lord to lay it on my heart. The Lord did get through to me that way sometimes, and when Peter found that out, he used that a lot more. (Family laughs!) I was a pretty difficult case, so you can't really blame Peter for being insecure and feeling that he wasn't that important to me. I felt he was very important to me, but I didn't really show him that much. So when we talk about his jealousy battles, I just want you to know that I had made it quite difficult for him.
       69. So Peter came back and was having jealousy battles, and I felt that I needed to help him to overcome them, of course. I wanted to help him and I wanted to reassure him that I loved him. Therefore my work was stopped again, more than I'd even expected.
       70. Through all these things, the Lord was trying to cure me of this terrible addiction of only being married to my work and not being married to the Body of Christ, being married to all of you--each one who is part of the Body, each one who is here with us and who needs help and who needs love. So I finally started getting the point. The Lord even called it an "addiction," and it's taken quite a while to get me broken free of that.
       71. Isn't it amazing how He just had to stop me?--And now I'm almost completely stopped! First it was the jealousy battles, and now Peter has these afflictions that we have to fight together. It's actually a liberation. Poor Gary and Matthew, I don't know how liberated they feel, because they have to be doing all of our work for us! But I appreciate it so much, Gary and Matthew. You're helping the Lord to help us to get broken free from that work addiction, and if anybody needs to get freed from it, I do!
       72. It's funny, it's something I never even realized before. If I had been more in tune and more dependent on the Lord and seeking the Lord, I would have let Him get through to me on that. But I resisted it all these years--even when the Lord had to tell me that that's why He had to put my eyes in this condition, because I was too much into the work and the details and not looking to Him enough. I partially got the point, but obviously I didn't get the point enough, and I still haven't gotten it all these years. Because when we have gotten the point and when we've done what the Lord wants us to and we've learned our lessons, the Lord usually lifts the problem.
       73. But now that Dad has gone to be with the Lord, I'm finally starting to see things that I never saw before. That's what it took! That's what Dad said, that one of the reasons he had to go to be with the Lord was to help me to start learning some of my lessons that I was not learning, and that I refused to learn. I should have been learning them, and Dad was trying to teach me, but I refused to learn them. I rejected the truth, and it was only when Dad went to be with the Lord--a huge change and the supernatural design of the Lord, resulting in love bombs from Heaven--that I was finally able to see what the problem was!
       74. I think of all the wonderful things Dad is doing now, all the tremendous ways in which he is able to move things and change things, and one of the major ones is changing me!--One of the things he couldn't do as well while he was here, ha! He tried, but he had to go to be with the Lord in order to do it like he's doing it now. And now it's really working! (Peter: Maybe that's what the Lord used to cut the deal when Dad was trying to decide whether to go or not. Maybe the Lord said, "Just think, you'll be able to help change Mama and influence her so much more greatly.") Yes, "You'll be able to work on her even more!" So he decided to go!

       How the Works and Accomplishment Mode Spread Down Through the Ranks!
       75. So that was one place where I was really off track for so long, with my busyness and being so devoted to my work, and not realizing that I needed to love people more--those who were right here beside me. And this has influenced our leadership too, because I pushed the same thing down on Peter and Gary. Gary, would you like to tell how it influenced the leadership? (Gary: Well, I don't feel that my bad sample was caused by you.) (Peter: Yes, we were pretty guilty.) But if I had said, "Look we're going to stop," you would have stopped too. Whatever I did would have been reflected in you and passed down.
       76. (Gary: Dad's philosophy in life was "when it's time to work I'll work, and when it's time to play I'll play," and he had set times when he just knocked off. Whereas I guess we collectively didn't knock off so much, we just continued to work. Then there were legitimate situations that arose, like persecution, for example, that required hands-on counseling, intense work, phone messages, reading reports day in and day out, week after week after week. But it seemed even when the situation would lift, we continued on at the same pace, and when the next emergency hit, we intensified our work even more. It just accelerated, so that if we thought we were busy last year, when we compared it with this year we weren't busy at all, because we'd doubled our pace!
       77. (And I know that we imparted that to all the CROs around the world through our communications with them, through our following every detail of what they were involved in, to the point that we would ask for more details, which generated their writing more reports, which meant others then had to work twice as hard to get those details and reports for us. They thought we must really be interested, so they kept sending in the details, which translated into hundreds of thousands of pages of reports--which they dictated, their secretaries typed and sent, and we read, which kept us even busier. And the cycle continued!
       78. (It was also passed down through the ranks with the CROs getting all of the NASs busy generating all of their reports to the CROs. So then the NASs were busy, and the NASs got their Homes busy, and leadership's job became mainly reading and writing reports! Meanwhile, we would say, "Be sure to get out there and visit your Homes. You've got to do this and you've got to do that."--Until it got to the point where everybody, including us, was in a tailspin of wondering why we were so busy all the time, but there seemed no way out.)
       79. (Mama:) But there was a way out! The Lord showed us later that if we had slowed down, if we had just let Him take care of things, no matter how much of an emergency we thought we had, if we had really prayed more, slowed down and given the problems to the Lord, the Lord would have taken care of them and we wouldn't have had to do so much. Obviously, when the Lord knocks you out with sickness and you can't do it, the world goes on. And I found out that if the Lord takes you out of a situation, everything still keeps going. I'm hardly doing any of the things I was doing before, and the world still goes on without me! The Family is still functioning and everybody is doing great! You find out that you're not indispensable after all. The more we look to the Lord, the more we pray about situations, the more we let the Lord handle it, the less we have to do with things.
       80. Meanwhile, at the Summit Meeting the Lord was telling the CROs, "Look, you guys, you need to stop! You need to take time for Me, and you need to get out there with the people. You're too involved in all of this business and the arm of the flesh, trying to do it in your own strength.--Trying to be deacons instead of shepherds and teachers." He was telling them in no uncertain terms that they needed to stop and they needed to get out more and love people, and they needed to love Him most of all and take time with Him. And I was reading the prophecies they were getting and I was saying, "Yes, yes, that's right, that's true!"
       81. Poor Silas really got it for that! The Lord said he needed to get out of his rut of just being so office and paperwork-oriented, and he needed to go out and fellowship and enter into the hearts and the homes of his people. And it finally started dawning on me one day, "Now wait a minute, why does Silas have this problem, anyway? Why do our CROs have these problems?" And it finally clicked: "Well, Mama, you've got the problem, you are the problem!--That's why they have these problems! It's the natural tendency of many of our leaders and people to be that way, and they'll be that way unless you stop them, but if you had been doing what you should have, you could have influenced them to do the right thing and they would have done differently. If you had slowed them down, if you had shown them the right way to do things, if you had taken time to love people personally and given them that personal example, they would be doing it too."
       82. Our top leadership are good followers! That's why they're such good leaders, they're good followers. They're yielded, they're obedient, they do what we ask them to do and they follow our example. And if I had been doing what I was supposed to be doing, and had by my sample shown them that, they would be doing the same thing. So all of a sudden I came to this horrible realization that it wasn't just Silas' fault, or Sharon's fault or any of the leaders' fault, but it was my fault, and I was the culprit!--The main one!
       83. Well, at least the Lord gave me the grace to confess it. It wasn't a deliberate thing, but it was a pretty serious blunder which has caused our poor leadership a lot of undue strain, and it has certainly gone down through the ranks and gotten them into this "works and accomplishment mode" where they haven't been able to spend time with the Lord like they should and they haven't been able to shepherd their people like they should. So that is a very major thing that has been a problem for me, which as I say, I didn't even realize because I had resisted the truth for so long, and resisted what the Lord was trying to do even with my eyes years ago.
       84. (Fam: It's actually considered a disease in the world if you're an over-achiever. It can really affect you, and they actually treat people for it.) Well, the Lord said it's an addiction. (Family: It's called being a workaholic!) (Gary: On a secular plane, a lot of those kind of people are more career-oriented rather than family-oriented; they feed on stress, and it's just as addictive as cocaine.)

       Unyieldedness and Resistance!
       85. Another thing that you probably couldn't have helped but notice in the Letters was my resistance, rebelliousness and stubbornness in yielding to Dad and what he wanted of me. There are all kinds of examples throughout the Letters, and just recently, a few of them were specifically pointed out to me by Matthew.--Not that he was purposely trying to point those things out to me, he was just trying to encourage me by sending me some excerpts from "The Shepherdess" (ML #837) and a couple of other Letters. And those excerpts were encouraging, but in them I also saw very clearly my rebelliousness and resistance all these years. In some of those Letters you'll find an example of a very stubborn, rebellious, spoiled little girl stomping her foot and saying, "No, I won't! No, I do not want to! No, you can't!"
       86. Those Letters were just a few examples of many. If you were able to go through the Letters one by one, I'm sure you would find many more instances where I was unyielded and stubborn and had to virtually be forced to do things. I really wasn't yielded to the Lord, and of course that is a very serious thing. Not yielding to what the Lord wants you to do isn't just a mistake, it's a serious transgression--because I knew better! And I'm sure examples of my rebelliousness influenced others when we put them in print. The reason we put them in print wasn't because I wanted to put them in print, but we had to put them in print because to get the point of what Dad was saying we had to include the entire conversations.
       87. So that's been all through the Letters--my resistance to things and to the Lord's will and to obeying Him--and that's not a very pretty picture. It's been a bit of a rude awakening to realize that it was a general spirit of rebelliousness, a general overall spirit of resistance, non-submission and unyieldedness, which makes it very serious. It's not just a case of, "Oh, I was rebellious once here, and I was rebellious once there." But in these cases that I particularly remember, they were symptoms and obvious manifestations of a general spirit of unyieldedness.
       88. There were many times when I didn't rebel, of course, and when I yielded to the Lord's will. But if you say, "I'm going to yield here and I'm going to yield there and I'm going to yield somewhere else, but I'm not going to yield here and I'm not going to yield there," then you can't say that your spirit is truly yielded. In order to have a yielded spirit you have to be willing to be yielded in everything, whatever the Lord asks. You can't yield selectively or you're not really yielded.
       89. If you're calling the shots and you're the one who's deciding when you're going to be yielded and when you aren't, then you're not really yielded. Yieldedness is faith to accept whatever the Lord has for you, it's a general acceptance. Yieldedness is saying, "Whatever You want, I will do." You can't say, "I'll do this, but I won't do that." That's not signing a blank sheet of paper, and that's not yieldedness, and that's not faith, either--faith that does whatever the Lord asks you to do. In other words, you don't have faith, so you're going to decide what you think is right and what you can accept and what you can't accept, what you can believe and what you can't believe, etc.
       90. I don't know what would've been different if I'd been really yielded, but I'm sure some things would have been a lot different. And maybe we would have been a lot further along in some respects. We don't know that for sure, but we know that you don't get good results from unyieldedness, but you do get good results from yieldedness. So we know that things probably could have been a lot different and a lot better. It's such a terrible, terrible example, it's pretty sad, and I'm very ashamed of myself. And I know the Lord definitely wants me to apologize and confess and repent and ask the Family's forgiveness for the hurt I've caused and the bad sample I've been in those respects.

       Hiding Behind Dad!
       91. I also hid behind Dad and didn't want to take responsibility for anything; whereas I was very responsible for a lot of things, because he'd given the responsibility of a lot of the work over to me. But I still didn't really accept the responsibility.
       92. I thought, "Well, Dad's here. He gets the revelations and he's leading the Family, and if there's anything that needs to be done to the Family or if anything is going wrong, Dad will get it from the Lord. I don't have to seek the Lord about the direction of the Family, I don't have to get too involved because that's up to Dad." But that wasn't the right attitude, and that wasn't true, because Dad had given that responsibility to me and I was responsible. I couldn't expect Dad to come up with all the answers to the problems because I was the one who was responsible for those portfolios.
       93. Dad was trying more and more to give those responsibilities to us, to get ready for the time when he would be going home to be with the Lord. But I hid behind him and I refused to take the full responsibility, and therefore I didn't seek the Lord about things that were my responsibility, things that were going wrong, things that I should have been able to see.--And that I would have seen if I had been asking the Lord and been more in tune. So that's another place where I really failed the Lord and failed the Family.

       Affection--A Manifestation of Real Love and Humility!
       94. In the area of affection, Dad was so completely uninhibited, just completely liberated because of his humility. Remember all those beautiful topless dances we used to have? I never fully entered in, in spirit. That's another place where I held back out of pride. Everything went on without me. I was there, but not really wholeheartedly. I think if I had, things would have been a lot easier for Dad, and they might have been a lot different. But because of my pride I was unwilling to. Most of you here probably understand that and have seen an example of my lack of affection.
       95. But I finally made it, what a miracle! I wanted to be more affectionate for such a long time, I knew I needed to be, but it just didn't work. I wasn't yielded in every way. I just wanted to do it like a little sideline and it wasn't really coming from my whole being, my whole heart. I didn't know that I had to change completely before I could do that. I just wanted to add it on to my nice sweet loving manner and have the affection be the cherry on the cake. But I couldn't do it until the Lord just changed me.
       96. I prayed I'd be more affectionate and I wanted to be affectionate all this time, and that's one of the reasons I wrote those Letters about it, but I just couldn't make it! I would try for a little bit of time, but it just didn't seem to work. I didn't even think about being affectionate a lot of the time. And that bothered me too, because it wasn't even a matter of being a battle with my pride that I'm not affectionate--although sometimes that had something to do with it--but a lot of times it was just like I wasn't even sensitive to the need. My mind was on my work and other things and it never occurred to me that it would be nice to give this person a hug or put my arm around them--until too late. I'd think later, "Well, I should have done that," but it never occurred to me at the time. It just wasn't really part of me.
       97. I tried to be affectionate, but until your heart is really in the right place and you have been truly humbled by the Lord, as much as you may try to turn over a new leaf, you just can't! It's almost impossible. You can maybe do it a little bit in the flesh, and that's better than nothing, but it just didn't really "take" in my case. Affection is a manifestation of real love and humility, and until you are humbled and you really love, it's too difficult.
       98. You have to have a change of heart and spirit to where you show affection automatically and it's part of your spirit. It needs to be part of your being, part of your personality. You have to let the Lord change you enough so you are just automatically affectionate because you love people. It's simply part of your love for people. And it wasn't until Dad went to be with the Lord that I had this change. Lord help me, I've got quite a long way to go, but at least I've made a good start.
       99. (Peter: Even though you tried, like you said, it has to be a change in your heart and spirit. It's a spiritual change. Some people have spiritual changes when they go through a big breaking, and then they have a big change. But in your case you just obeyed what the Lord was showing you about Gabe, and about Matthew, and like the quote says, "Obedience brings on the Spirit of God and the anointing."
       100. (My personal conviction is that the change you've undergone is part of the anointing, the mantle. Of all the things Dad was most known for--being radical and everything else--the greatest thing he was known for was his love. His whole message to the world was love, not only in word and in tongue, but in deed and in truth. And that's been the change in you. Your whole spirit of caring for others is like an affectionate spirit. Even when you don't hug somebody, it's like you do it in the spirit, and they feel it that way. And it's not like you weren't ever humble or desperate or loving or affectionate before, you were all those things, but now you're more humble in spirit, and maybe that's partially because you are so desperate and you know how much you need the Lord.)
       101. ({\ul \i Mama prays:)} Lord, please help me to be humble! I know that's where You want me, and how You want me to be. Please take away all my pride that I have so much of. Get rid of my pride, Lord. It's not such a nice prayer to pray, because then I know I'll have to keep being humbled and humiliated, but Lord, I know that's where You want me, so please do it.
       102. Thank You for making me a little bit humble at least. Keep doing it, Lord! As they say, "Smash my pride." Well, I don't really like to say it that way, it sounds a little drastic, but I guess that's what I need. But You don't really smash--You just so tenderly, gently and lovingly work on us, like Dad did when he was opening me up when I was a virgin, just so sweet. It took a long time. He was so gentle, just little by little, and it never hurt at all. Well, I don't know if You can do that with my pride, so it never hurts at all, but You've done pretty well at it so far. It hasn't hurt much. It's amazing. Thank You Jesus! Thank You Lord!

       The Veil of Resistance Has Been Taken Away!
       103. Well, where should I go from here? This is supposed to be a love story, but I guess I wanted to start with my confession and get it all out so I wouldn't have it hanging over me! I want to confess everything right now so I don't have to come back and do it again!--Ha!--This is already the third time around!
       104. And now Peter is going to read you something that Dad said to me the other day--and this is pretty much of a confession too. I could have just let this prophecy do the confessing for me, but that would have been taking the easy way out, so I had to explain it all to you myself. But now here are the confirmations from Dad. Dad's really been talking to me a lot, isn't that neat? (Fam: Yes!) Even if it's a spanking, I just love it! Who wouldn't want to hear from Dad no matter what he has to say? (Fam: Yes!) Thank You Jesus! Thank You Lord!
       105. ({\ul \i Peter reads the prophecy. Dad is speaking:)} "Now I am over here and I have much more control, and I can lead Mama in new ways. I can speak to her in new ways and now she listens so much better.") (Mama:) You can laugh, that's okay. You know it's true.--Ha!
       106. ({\ul \i Peter continues reading:} "She understands me better now that my flesh is out of the way. And, oh, how I love to direct her and to guide her. And, oh, how I love to see her yield unto me to do the things that I implant in her heart. She is so much more sensitive to me now, we are even more one now. For now as I whisper into her ear, she listens and takes my words into her heart and ponders them there, and they become part of her as she puts them into action. Don't you remember how she used to buck and dig in her heels and say, `Oh, no, no, no, it can't be done! Oh no, no, no, we mustn't do it this way, we must do it that way!'")
       107. (Mama:) It's okay, you can laugh. (Everyone bursts out laughing!) Don't suppress it, we're not suppressing anything tonight. Ha! (Peter continues reading: "Oh no, no, no, we mustn't do it this way, we must do it that way.") That's right, isn't it, Peter? You know! (Peter: Yes.) (Fam: We've all been guilty.) Thank you, everybody.
       108. ({\ul \i Peter continues reading:}{\ul "But now she says, `Yes! Oh yes, my David, let's do it this way}. Let's do it the way you are showing us.' And as she sets aside the things that hinder her--her pride and unyieldedness--and as she surrenders and says, `I do, I will, I want,' so am I now able to better direct and guide her, and help her and lead her in the paths that our Lord has shown.
       109. ("I did not see how much I could control her while I was there, but as she is yielded unto me, my influence upon her now is even greater, and I love it. I love how we are one.
       110. ("And my son, I have called you in to help her, to be a strength and a help, to help encourage her to believe, to encourage her to have faith and to encourage her to put my words of love into action. And I am well pleased, for we three are one, and we together are one with our Lord. I am here and you are there and we are one, for in the spirit these things are possible. And this oneness that we have shall bring forth much fruit. I can help to guide you both now, more so than I could when I was there, for I was weak in flesh yet strong in the spirit. But now I am strong in the spirit and strong in power and might, for this has been granted unto me.
       111. ("I have been given the power and the authority to help lead and guide you in a new way, of new strength and new direction. And I can lead you with my words and with my kisses and with my whispers, and I can lead you with the thoughts that I put into the heart, the mind and the spirit of my beloved queen, my Maria, my Mama, whom I love so dearly.--And who loves me now even more, for she understands me so much better. Now she begins to understand the things of the spirit, the things that I have tried to teach her for, lo, these many years.
       112. ("For now has the veil of resistance been taken away and replaced with the veil of acceptance. For now has the shield of analyticality been lowered. And now there is acceptance and faith and belief. And, oh, what a difference it makes! What a difference when one says, `Oh yes! Yes, I will! Yes, I want to!' When someone says, `Take me, show me, for I do not know.' When someone says, `Lead me in the way and in the paths that I should go, and I will follow thee whithersoever thou leadest.'
       113. ("And this, my son, our wife hath done. She hath laid down her armor and she has said, `Yes, I will follow.' She has said, `Yes, I will let you lead.' And she has said, `Lead me, O David. Lead me, O king. Show me the way and I will follow.'
       114. ("And the love that I have for my little one far surpasses the love that I had for her there. For I loved her verily as life itself. But here I love her more than life, for I love her in spirit and in truth and in strength and in the power and might and love of God. I love you, my darling, my sweet one, my revolutionary one, my yielded one, my anointed one.
       115. ("{\ul For you are becoming very `love' itself}. And as you are filled more and more and more with the Spirit of Love and with the words of God, you shall become more as the Holy Spirit of God, whom you symbolize. Therefore, just say yes, just believe. Do not question, just follow. Follow the steps that I lead you in. Follow the things that you hear whispered in your ear and know it is me speaking to you, and that it is your Lord, Jesus, speaking to you. And that it is those whom He has given unto you to lead and guide and protect you and to help you.
       116. ("There are many that counsel you and there are many that love you and there are many that speak in whispers into your ear and into your heart. These love you and they will not lead you astray, but will give you discernment and wisdom and knowledge of God. For they are great and they are mighty and they are chosen of God as your protectors, as your counselors, as your lovers. For they are wisdom, they are the gifts of the Spirit which have been bestowed upon you.
       117. ("So listen unto them. Let them lead you, and follow them step by step, and all together, those of us here and those of you there will work a great work in our children, and it will bring forth abundant fruit and abundant truth! It shall set them free and they shall love and they shall love and they shall love. Our precious Lord will be so pleased. And the halls of Heaven shall rejoice, and the incense of your prayers, of your love and of the prayers and love and accomplishments and feats of my children, shall fill the halls of Heaven, and all shall rejoice and be exceeding glad!") (End of prophecy.) (Mama and Family praise the Lord together!)
       118. Thank You Lord for doing it. Thank You for changing me. Thank You for helping me finally to accept Your will and be willing to do what You want and to just say "yes" to You. Thank You Jesus! Thank You Lord! Thank You for that beautiful love from Grandpa. It's a beautiful love story. Thank You Jesus! In spite of all my faults and failings, he loves me so much and has forgiven me.--And the Lord has forgiven me, and I hope you all will forgive me too. (Fam: Oh yes, of course.)

       A New Heart of Love!
       119. Are you tired yet? (Family: No!) Are you sure? (Family: Yes!) Do you promise you'll tell me if you're tired? Isn't it beautiful to hear from Dad? (Family: Yes!) You know it's him! I know it's him!
       120. Thank the Lord, it's wonderful that the Lord is doing a new thing in my life, and that's why I wanted to tell you. In spite of all the ways in which I failed, the Lord hasn't thrown me on the scrap heap and He's still going to use me. That's what He promised. Like in those prophecies we read last night, the Lord said that He is going to make even our older people who are despairing and who have gotten weary into new children. He's making us all into new creatures if we'll accept that anointing that He has and just say "yes." Like that vision you had of the laser beam coming down, Gary. You said you just had to get under it to get your anointing. You just have to accept it and get in the proper position, say "yes" to the Lord and you've got it!
       121. Do you remember what I asked the Lord for in my prayer in the "Lessons of Love" GN? (Fam: For an anointing of love?) Yes. (Fam: For humility.) Yes. But what specifically did I ask the Lord to do? (Fam: To give you a new heart.) Yes, and what was the verse? (Fam: Ezekiel 36:26: "A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh.") Right. I specifically asked the Lord to take the stony heart out of me and replace it with a loving heart, a heart of flesh. (See ML #2976:8, GN 622.) That was some time ago. And this next prophecy Peter is going to read you talks about how the Lord has actually done that in answer to my prayer. It was very encouraging that, after I prayed that, the Lord specifically answered me.
       122. ({\ul \i Peter reads prophecy:} "For behold, the change that thou art going through is part of thy anointing, that thou mayest know that this is nothing of thyself, this is only of Me.--That I have poured forth this mantle upon thee, and this mantle is the mantle of love.") (Mama:) Here's a confirmation that the mantle that the Lord is giving us is the mantle of love, the anointing of love.
       123. ({\ul \i Peter continues reading:} "This mantle is the mantle of love, it is the mantle of change, it is the mantle of My direction. I am changing thy heart and I am taking away the heart of stone and putting in a new heart, a heart of love--a soft heart, a heart of flesh, a heart of understanding, of compassion and of mercy. For I have taken away the stony heart of business and accomplishments, and I have replaced it with this heart of love.--And I am pulling out the heart of stone from My children everywhere, from My Family, and am replacing it with a heart of love and of understanding, that they may be compassionate upon one another and fulfill one another's needs; and that they may love Me and love the lost with a new love, a stronger love, a more sacrificial love.
       124. ("I have done this thing in thee, and thou truly speakest right; this change is not of thee, but is My anointing, the oil of My Spirit pouring upon thy spirit. And this humbles thee, and makes thee see even more clearly how nothing thou art and how everything I am.")
       125. (Mama:) When He says, "Thou truly speakest right," the Lord was referring to what I was saying before we got this prophecy: That I hadn't had anything to do with this, I didn't even pray for a change. I was so dense and so blinded that I didn't even know I needed a change. Remember how I even said that in my prayer? I said, "Lord, I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing, I don't know what else to do. I'm just going to sit here and go on." I virtually said I was going to go on business as usual because I didn't know what else to do. So I can't even get the credit for knowing I needed a change until a little bit later. I really didn't pray for anything, but the Lord just started changing me. I could feel it, but I hadn't really asked for it that much until Matthew came along, and then I started asking for it, because the Lord really exposed me. But before that, I just didn't know what I needed. And here the Lord is saying that I was right in saying that it was nothing of me.
       126. ({\ul \i Peter continues reading:} "And I am molding thee and I am fashioning thee into a new vessel, a vessel that will pour forth My love, a fountain of My love, a fountain of light and of love that will stream and stream and stream unto the ends of the earth in the hearts of My children. But rejoice, yea, I say rejoice that the heart of stone is taken away!") (Mama and Family praising the Lord!) (Mama:) Thank You Lord! Thank You Jesus! Hallelujah! Thank You Lord, You did it! Your love did it. I couldn't do it, I never could do it. You had to do it. You knew what I needed and what we needed.
       127. ({\ul \i Peter continues reading:} "Yea, I say rejoice that the heart of stone is taken away and the heart of flesh has been transplanted into thee. And this is just the beginning, for this heart shall grow. It shall grow and grow abundantly, and it shall grow stronger and it shall pump and pulsate, and it shall pump the lifeblood of love into the children of David.
       128. ("David wished to know what he could do to help My children, and I showed him that he could help to control thee. And he said unto Me, `Yes, yes, this is what I want! For I love her and I want to help her to lead my children. She needs help, but I am old and weak. So I will go and I will help to lead and I will help to guide! I will go to strengthen and I will lead my children through her.'
       129. ("And so was the love of David for thee, for he loved thee abundantly and wished to be with thee. But when I showed him that he could lead thee and love thee and guide thee and direct thee in a new and greater way, he said, `Oh yes, this is my heart's desire, and I will be happy and I will rejoice to be one with my queen in this way, that we will be one and together we will rule and reign over Thy children.' He rejoiced to know that he would have this power and this authority and this strength, and that you would listen and be strengthened by his words, by his whispers and by his thoughts and by the things he would place in thy heart. And he rejoiceth that he can commune with thee in this way.
       130. ("Thou seest already the fruit of his labors and the fruit of his love, for he helps to reveal unto thee the things of Heaven, the things that he learneth here. I hear thy prayer and I know of thy repentance and thy remorse for these things of the past, but shed these things, shed the past. The past is no more, for thou hast a new heart. The stony heart is gone, it is taken away, it is cast aside, and a new heart of flesh is in thee, a new heart of love. So be not remorseful for the heart of stone, but rejoice that it is gone. Rejoice that I have taken it away and have replaced it with love. So be ye comforted in My love. Be ye confident of My great love and forgiveness and My great mercy. For the things of old are past, and behold, all things are become new. I have made thee into a new creature.
       131. ("And as the caterpillar that crawleth upon the ground and is so close to the dirt and so earthy enters into a cocoon and is changed and comes out as a butterfly, one that flies in the heavens and sees the heavenly things and no longer seeth the dirt on the ground, so is it with thee. So have I changed thee, so have I given thee beautiful wings to fly into the heavenly realm as thou dost set thy mind and thy affection on things above, and as thou dost listen unto Me and unto thy father and unto those that help thee. I am turning thy mind and thine eyes and thine ears and thine heart heavenward, and as thou dost look up, I will pour forth upon thee in a new way, and thou shalt have new words and new revelations.
       132. ("Yea, I will teach thee and I will lead thee, I will guide thee step by step, and I will never ever fail thee. So do not be afraid, for love will be thy guide. This is the promise that I make unto thee, My child: I will never leave thee, I will never forsake thee, I will always be there for thee. I will always speak unto thee and I will guide thee and I will direct thee, for thou art My chosen one, the one that I have anointed to lead this, My Endtime church, My children, My Bride, My virgins who love Me, who desire Me, who want Me.
       133. ("So be not afraid, for thou hast the anointing and the mantle. It is not to come, it is here now, it is upon thee. It is the mantle upon thy shoulders that is changing thee. For this mantle is as the wings of a butterfly that brings thee up into the heavenly realms. It is this anointing that I have put upon thee, this anointing of My love and of My protection and of My wisdom and of My words and of My Spirit and of My kisses. This mantle shall keep thee warm in times of cold, and shall keep thee cool in times of heat. It shall lead thee, it shall guide thee, for it is the mantle of My Spirit, the mantle of My voice, the mantle of My love, the mantle of My anointing.
       134. ("For I have poured forth the oil of My anointing upon thy head. As My prophets anointed My kings of old with the oil of anointing, so have I anointed thee, and so have I poured forth this anointing upon thee, and this oil has flowed down from thy head, down thy ears and down thy face upon thy body and into thy spirit and into thy heart, and it is making thee a new creature.
       135. ("Behold, old things are passed away! That which was before is no longer. That which was before is dead and gone. For when the cocoon opens, is the caterpillar there any more? No, it is gone. It is finished. It has changed, and a new life has come forth, a heavenly life, one that flies into the heavenlies and knows and understands and sees things from above and no longer from the earth; and sees things from the heavenly realm. Yea, this is how I have made thee. For thou now seest from above, and thy David helpeth thee to see, and thy helpers help thee to see, and I help thee to see. So do not fear, do not be afraid, do not regret that which is dead and gone, just rejoice in that which is and that which is to come, for there are great and mighty things ahead for thee.
       136. ("I will lead thee and I will guide thee and I will be unto thee a great light, and I will be unto thee a great direction and thou wilt know where to go and what to do and what to say, for I will instill in thee the faith that thou dost need. And thou wilt follow Me whithersoever I go, because thou art My love and I love thee, and because thou sayest `yes' to Me and thou sayest `I want You.'") (Mama: Yes, Lord, I want You.) ("And thou sayest, `I need You.'") (Mama: I need You, Jesus.) ("And thou sayest, `I will follow You whithersoever You go.'") (Mama: I will follow You whithersoever You go, Lord.)
       137. ("I have put this heart of love into thy heart, and I have put My words there. I know thy innermost being, I know thy thoughts. I know the intents of thy heart and I know thy love for Me and thy desire to serve and to follow and to obey. I will help thee to do these things that thou mayest lead My children into the promised land of My love, of My promises. And thou shalt lead them until the day that I return, when all shall be gathered together and we shall love one another, no longer darkly through a glass, but face to face. And thou shalt be greatly rewarded for thy love and for thy strength and for thy faith, for thy yieldedness and for thy obedience. I will hold thee and I will love thee, even as I hold and love thee now.") (End of prophecy.) (Mama and Family praise and thank the Lord!)
       138. (Mama:) Thank You Jesus for Your love words to us. Thank You for Your anointing, Lord. Thank You for the love You give all of us and the new heart You're putting in us. Thank You that Your mantle has descended on each of us. It's not just for me, but for each one of us, each of Your precious children who is willing to just say "yes" to You. Help us to do it, Lord. When we see what You have for us, the wonderful, wonderful riches and the treasures that You give to us, this wonderful anointing of love, it's so easy for us to yield. Thank You Jesus! Hallelujah! Thank You for the great things You have in store for us!
       139. Thank You for Your beautiful words tonight. We thank You for them, they're so wonderful. Thank You that You deign to stoop to come and to speak to us, Lord, because You love us, and because we love You. Amen. Thank You Jesus! Praise the Lord! Does anyone have anything else? If the Lord is giving you something, don't be afraid to speak it:

       Confirming Prophecies
       140. (Fam:) "Great is the sample of My humble servant, for it is in this love and this humility that My strength and My power is found. Therefore hear ye her and follow her sample, because great is her love because of her humility. And do ye likewise, that ye may receive the power also, for it is in love and humility that My power lies."
       141. (Mama:) Beautiful, thank You Jesus! Thank You Lord!

• * *

       142. (Gary:) "And this is the paradox of God, that those who are weak shall go from strength to strength. And those who are strong, who think themselves strong, shall go from weakness to weakness. For has it not been said that the first shall be last and the last shall be first? My ways are not your ways. My ways are higher than your ways. But ye can know My ways and ye can know the mind of Christ if ye will put away your own thoughts and your own mind and the things of your own heart which tend only to poverty and weakness. Ye must look to Me for the strength that I have offered you. Ye must be willing to put away your strength for My strength, for your strength is but weakness in My eyes, and it must also be so in your eyes. Each person must realize this for himself and each person must give account.
       143. "I lay before you strength and weakness. I will give you My strength if ye will trade in your weakness which ye have looked upon as strength, but that I have called weakness. Choose ye this day, and I shall give unto you bountifully if ye shall be willing to give of your life that others might live. For he that seeketh to save his life shall lose it, and this is the paradox of God."

• * *

       144. (Fam:) {\ul \i (Dad speaking:) }"You did it, sweetheart! I knew you could do it! I'm so proud of you! Thank you for trusting me, for trusting the Lord and stepping out and taking eensy weensy little steps. And look how I've led and helped you each step. Each step you ventured out, you took bigger steps. I'm so proud of you! I love you so much! Thank you for sharing my love with my children. Thank you for loving me enough. And as I have said and as you have already heard, forget the past, and so will everyone else. These confessions that you've made are beautiful in my sight, and they're beautiful in your children's eyes too. Not only will they learn from your lessons, but they'll learn from your beautiful sample of loving Jesus and loving me, your beautiful sample of humility, and they'll also learn how to confess themselves. I love you, my sweetheart. I'm so proud of you."
       145. (Mama is crying and softly praising the Lord.)

• * *

       146. (Fam:) "It is My will and My plan that the oil of the anointing that has fallen upon My Maria will flow also to you, My Family. For as I have made her a new creature and have given her a new heart, I would that ye My children, My Family, will all become new creatures as well. I will also give each one of you a new heart and a new spirit if ye will just say `yes' to Me, if ye will just yield yourselves to Me, and humble yourselves as My Maria hath done."

• * *

       147. (Gabe:) "Because My Maria, My butterfly, must fly into the heavenlies, she has to forsake some of the burdens and cares that mean so much to her. She will be tempted to come down from the heavenlies to tend to business, but she must have faith that others can take care of the details and the problems. She must remain and fly in the heavenlies to hear My voice and to not be distracted by the cares of the Kingdom, but appoint deacons and others who can take care of the business, so that she can remain in the heavenlies to get clear, concise directions from Me, the way I want her to go.
       148. "For in the heavenlies My voice is so much clearer, away from the noise and the other distracting sounds. You will be so much freer and happier and lighter, and it will be easier if you will forsake these other burdens and have faith in others to make decisions and to carry the load. For it is a new day and a new dawn, and new responsibilities and new anointings will be poured upon My leaders to make the decisions that are needed. As I have given you a new anointing, I will give them a new anointing, to carry the role that you carried in the past. And as ye step forth by faith, they can step into your old anointing to handle the important job that you once had. For these are steps of faith and trust in Me, that I will anoint each one for the job that I have given them to do. Take the step of faith."
       149. (Mama:) Thank You Lord. Thank You Jesus for that instruction. Help me to do it, Lord, to break loose from these things. Thank You Jesus! Help Gary and Matthew to help us. Help us all, Lord, to do Your will, to say "yes" to You.

• * *

       150. (Fam:) "Please rest assured and find comfort in this, that no great matter will be neglected. If thou wilt but leave these matters in My hands, I am more than able to take care of them. And by sharing the valuable lessons that I have taught thee, in doing so thou shalt solve countless problems, and mountains of questions will be melted away when people learn of thy lessons and apply them. For love, humility and prayer solve all problems, and they will learn to find My answers. Therefore thou hast done right in seeking Me and applying these lessons, for in so doing thou hast solved the present problems as well as the future problems, all problems by faith."

• * *

       151. (Mama:) Thank You Lord! Does anybody have anything else?

• * *

       152. (Fam: Something that was coming to my mind is how all things work together for good. When I was wondering how that applies, I got that the Lord allowed you to go slow on letting go of the administrational work, as that enabled you to thoroughly train others. And now that it's definitely time to turn those jobs over, because you have been so faithful to train others, you're able to do it without it disrupting the practical side of the Family.)

• * *

       153. (Fam: I had a little picture of Mama wearing a crown--I suppose it was in the Millennium when we get our rewards. You had certain jewels in your crown that were different from the jewels that other people had, and everybody was sort of wondering how you earned those. They'd ask, "What did you do to get this one?" We tend to think that we earn rewards from great accomplishments we do, but you answered, "These are the things I've confessed." It's not an easy thing to do, but you actually earned some medals for those things.) (Mama:) Thank You Lord! Well, I'll try to think of what else I need to confess for next time! There's probably a lot more. I think those were the main things, though--I hope. Thank You Lord!

• * *

       154. (Gabe: I also had a little vision along with the verse where Jesus said, "Come unto Me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." It was a picture of Jesus saying, "Take My yoke upon you." Mama had to first release the yoke she was presently wearing, so she took it off and the Lord gave her His yoke, which was very light and very easy. He said, "My yoke is easy and My burden is light." She was beaming and happy, like she always is anyway no matter what yoke she has. But she was real happy with her new yoke.) (Mama:) I'm getting happier now, thank You Jesus! It's getting easier! (Someone comments about how Mama is even laughing more these days.--Holy laughter! Ha!)

• * *

       155. (Fam: The Lord gave me the same vision again that He gave me last night. I don't think I was a very good channel so He was trying to clarify it a little more. Mama was standing in the pasture and she became very golden. She was looking up at the Lord and she was golden and glowing, and those who were closest to her and closest to the Lord were also glowing. But as people went away, the glow became fainter. I was asking the Lord, "Why is it getting less and why are people turning and walking away?" Last night He told me it was humbling, and what's humbling is yielding to the love and being willing to be weak in yourself and be nothing and let the Lord empower you with His love. Through your confession and opening up, you were shining steadily, and everybody else who was partaking of it was also becoming the same way, as long as they would stay in the light.)
       156. (Mama:) Thank You Lord. Well, it gets easier to confess the third time around. You already read the first and second Letters ("Lessons of Love" and "Mama's New Year's Talk," GN 622 and 628), so this time was just a follow-up, and the fourth time should be even easier! Thank You Lord. I hope you're having fun--as much fun as I am. (Family: Yes!) After a night of pain and agony with his physical afflictions Peter always says, "Boy, that was fun!--Because the ecstasy of really getting through to the Lord and having Him love you with His touches of love and feeling His love and His arms around you is so wonderful." Thank You Jesus!

       Closing Prayer
       157. Okay, does anybody want to say anything else? (Family: We love you! Thank you!) (Peter: Didn't Mama do well?) (Family: Yes, she did!) Thank you for your encouragement. I shouldn't need so much encouragement, but look at how the Lord keeps encouraging me. Isn't it wonderful? He just really spoils me. I'm really one of His pets. I don't know why I should be, because so often I seem to mess everything up, but He still loves me so much. Thank You Jesus!
       158. God bless all of you dear people for sitting here this long time and not going to sleep. I'm sorry it's so long. (Family: No, that was great!) (Gary: And we're all anticipating hearing more about what Dad said to Peter, "And this, my son, our wife hath done" '[EDITED: "para.113"]. Don't miss the exciting sequel!) (Mama:) Yes, I read that line with David and Techi and they said, "That's Grandpa for sure!" Well, if you want a sequel, we'll have to have a few more meetings. (Family: That's great!) Okay, rest up beforehand so you don't get too tired. You need to stay awake or you'll really miss something! Thank You Jesus!
       159. Lord, bless us all and give us a really good night's sleep tonight, safe in Thy care. Rest our weary bodies and keep everyone full of You and dependent on You and looking to You for their love and their victories. Thank You for each one, we love them so much, and You love them, and You're blessing them as they stay real close to You.
       160. Thank You for these beautiful days of this wonderful commemoration, feasting and fellowship. Bless our Family worldwide and give them strength and joy in what You're doing, and real determination to take Your mantle and anointing upon them, to receive it and accept it and to be able to do Your will with greater enthusiasm and greater vigor and strength than ever before. Thank You Jesus! Bless and keep us tonight, in Jesus' name. Amen. Thank You Lord!

Copyright (c) 1998 by The Family